I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
