life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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