my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize