her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
