im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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