I think I died a long time ago.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
