I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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