jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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