I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
