The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
