What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
