is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
