he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
