you guys were way drunker than both of me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
