I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
