Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
