i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
