Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
