I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
