Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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