I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
