Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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