This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
