I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
