I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
