There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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