We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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