fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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