I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
