k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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