Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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