I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize