If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize