you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
