I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
