people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
