If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
