I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
