Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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