We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
