im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
