So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am midnight drunk by noon
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
