well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
