And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
