Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
