Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
