i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize