So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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