I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
