I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
