so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
