if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
