I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
