So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize