Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
