connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
