All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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