We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
