apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
