i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
