Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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