remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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