..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
