I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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